If you are a young woman considering a career in law enforcement, the first piece of advice I would offer is simple: do not join.
There are easier ways to make a living. Dentistry, for example. Or marine biology. Both professions allow you to keep most of your sanity and all of your sleep. However, if you are absolutely determined to join the force—perhaps out of idealism, stubbornness, or a tragic belief in public service—then you should follow a few simple rules. These rules will help you survive the institution with minimal professional damage. Above all, avoid committing these cardinal sins:
Rule #1: Never Make a Complaint Against the Golden Boy
Every department has one.
The golden boy. The good-old-boy. The one with the right last name, the right friends, or the right supervisor. If he harasses you, undermines you, sabotages your cases, or behaves in ways that would make a human resources office faint—remember the most important rule of survival:
Say nothing. Quietly request a transfer. Smile politely in the hallway. Pretend the entire situation never happened. You may lose the division. But at least you will keep your reputation. In law enforcement, silence is often interpreted as professionalism.
Rule #2: Choose Your Alliances Carefully
Policing is not merely a profession. It is an ecosystem. Success depends less on merit and more on gravitational alignment with the correct planets.
Find the right command staff.
Laugh at the right jokes even if they’re not funny.
Appear in the right places at the right times.
Remember: loyalty travels upward faster than competence.
Rule #3: Secure a Protector
Every successful career requires a patron. This person will do two important things:
- Advocate for you when promotions appear.
- Quietly erase your mistakes when they inevitably occur.
A good protector can make problems disappear. A great one can make them disappear before anyone notices they existed. Choose wisely.
Rule #4: Never File a Lawsuit
Under no circumstances should you file a lawsuit against the department if you intend to stay. This is considered poor form. If you believe you have been wronged, you have two options:
- Leave quietly.
- File the lawsuit and leave loudly.
Attempting to do both—stay and challenge the system—is considered an act of professional self-destruction.
Rule #5: Volume is Often Mistaken for Competence
In many environments, the appearance of productivity is more valuable than productivity itself.
Therefore:
- Speak confidently about your cases.
- Announce developments frequently.
- Use impressive phrases such as “task force,” “follow-up,” and “intel.”
Whether the work actually exists is secondary. In a noisy room, the loudest detective often sounds like the best one.
Rule #6: Belong to the Right Tribe
Every division contains tribes. Some are built around personality. Others around loyalty, politics, or mutual protection. Your goal is simple: belong somewhere. A lone officer is a liability. A member of a tribe is an asset. The system is far more forgiving of mistakes made by groups than of integrity practiced alone.
Final Advice
If you follow these rules carefully, you may build a long and respectable career. You may also discover that survival and integrity are not always the same thing. That realization, unfortunately, is not covered in the academy.
After writing these rules down, I sometimes imagine explaining them to Marlon Brando.
He listens without interrupting.
When I finish, he shakes his head slightly.
“That’s the trouble with institutions,” he says. “They start out claiming to reward courage.”
He pauses.
“Eventually they reward obedience.”
Then he smiles a little.
“And people wonder why the principled ones—the ones who refuse to play along—don’t stay very long.”
